Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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