Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
