Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
