That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
