Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
