My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize