hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm like, not good at living.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize