I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
