new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I checked into jail on foursquare
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
