The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
