Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This baby is an asshole
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
