there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
