your thong is hanging out like whoa
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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