It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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