you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
