we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
