trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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