I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
