there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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