Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
MIDGETS
????
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
