her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
