You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
