A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
