somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
