dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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