this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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