Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
