It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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