Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
