didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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