Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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