I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
