I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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