standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
