walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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