glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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