Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
