My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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