I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
bring money and cleavage
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
