Just fell off a train. Bad.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
