...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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