so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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