Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
