We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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