oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
