Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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