I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
