i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
