Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How naked do you want me to be?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
