We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
