do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
