Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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