My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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