Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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