i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
