Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
