those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
