We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
