oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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