My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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