Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
