Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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