There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
