Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
