That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
