for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
