we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
