It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The feeling are messing with the penis
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
