I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
