this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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