I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
