I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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