Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
