So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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