Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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