We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
