so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
