It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
