How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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