So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
