Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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