I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize