I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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