does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
