went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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