go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize