I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
