He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
