The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
