If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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