WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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