yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize