I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
