I didn't shave. On purpose
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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