ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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