Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
