Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
