Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
