I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
