Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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