If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
