just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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