Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
