My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
