i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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