She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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