Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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