you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
