Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
